Signs seen on my travels from FijiBure.com
(possibly the largest collection on the net!)

Please note all our Fijian hosts speak GOOD English!

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Fijian Doctor's reception (image right):
Non genuine sick sheets are not issued here.
And in Africa they don't even care to disguise the "ailment"....
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Norwegian lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Brisbane (Australia) train:
Message for the blind... brail that reads "speak when the light flashes"... (click on thumbnail right).

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a hotel room in Moscow:
If this is your visit to the USSR you are welcome to it.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In a Czechoslovakian toutist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
and another....:
As for the trout served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your Grandchildren as you lie on your death bed.

English translation beneath a Chinese sign at a toilet for the disabled in Beijing:
Disabled peopley purpose

At a steep flying-fox ride over a dam near the Great Wall of China, outside Beijing:
People of horrifying height and liquor heads not permitted

In a tailor's shop in Seville:
Order now your summer suit, because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a hotel in Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania:
A room with a view of the sea or the backside of the country.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a shop window in Suva, Fiji Islands
Ears pierced while you wait

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a clothing store in Brussels:
Come inside and have a fit.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In a Vienna Hotel:
In case of fire do your utmost to alarm the hall porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a German (Leipzig) Elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade (Yugoslavia) lift:
To move the cabin push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press  number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by nationl order.

In a Rumanian Hotel elevator:
The lift is being fixed for the next days. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a hotel in Madrid:
If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence please cry out for the chambermaid.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Sorrento Hotel:
Contact the concierge immediately for information please do not wait last minutes when it will be too late to arrange any inconveniences.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In a German Hospital:
No children allowed in the maternity wards.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Lisbon Hotel:
If you wish for breakfast, lift the telephone and ask for room service. This will be enough for you to bring your food up.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Athens Hotel:
If you consider our help impolite you should see the Manager.
and: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between 9am amd 11am daily.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In a Japanese Hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking.
Here speeching American.